It’s come to my attention recently through my own experience as well as some of my close friends that people are too often the victim of life’s little leeches.
What is a leech of life?- a person or thing that continuously depletes your personal resources (tangible or intangible) unknowingly or for their own benefit.
Have you ever had a friend or someone you loved dearly that constantly came to you for advice but always chose the option of not taking it and making poor decisions instead? That same person is never around when you need them? Or someone who used your influence and popularity for their own benefit? Let’s not start on the people who have for some reason settled in a corner of your life quietly like lice in hair and have not been adding any value to your growth and development for years on end. If you can answer yes to any of these scenarios this blog post is for you and let me just tell you, you are not alone.
I myself have been victim of many leeches and I am still learning how to deal with them. Leeches consume more of our time, energy, love and support than they give back which is not necessarily always a bad thing. You may be ok with giving yourself freely without getting anything back in return but if they are leaving you mentally and spiritually exhausted everyday then that means less energy for you to focus on the things that will help you grow as an individual.
In light of this beautiful new year I wish to share a few tips on how to throw out all the waste in your life, that being people or things.
Disclaimer: it is sometimes easier said than done, especially if you happen to be in love with a leech or if a leech has been in your life for way to long (it happens).
However, if you wish to see yourself grow, learn, develop and become the person you are meant to be, pulling out these bloodsuckers will be the best thing for you. You will feel lighter and burden free with more focus for you, your goals and the people around you that really matter.
- Your Energy – My first tip jumps head first into the heart of the matter. Your friends, acquaintances, the environment you expose yourself and your energy to should all be a well calculated and focused decision. Spiritual energy is just as or even more important than electricity. It’s what fuels and guides your moral compass, helps you to make instinctual decisions and guides you on that path of a higher mental and divine realization. It is also known as ‘a universal life force’.
Energy is a renewable resource, it’s something that you will constantly use in your lifetime to push you to fulfill your dreams and aspirations. For those of you who do not follow any particular religion finding a spiritual source of energy will be different. For me my spiritual guidance was found and routed in my religion. I as well have many questions about religion and its man-made factors but when it comes to my relationship with God it is the only thing that keeps me centered, focused and someone I can always run to. It replenishes my light and heals my wounds so I am ready to face life and all the leeches that may come my way. Many of you may choose other methods such as meditation, the act of positive thinking that transforms into physical acts or simply introspection. Whatever is your method finding ways to replenish your energy is a major key (according to DJ Khaled lol) as it’s going to be used constantly and probably abused by people. Energies are transferable thus it is totally natural to willingly want to lend yourself and your mind to people and projects without expecting anything in return. In fact it’s commendable! This blog post is not to reinforce the 50/50 principle or make you completely selfish but to make you aware of what and who is worth your time and creativity based on where you want to make it to in life and the person you want to be. After working so hard to build yourself up, why let someone take advantage of that?
- Your circle – It is ok to be selfish sometimes. It is ok to admit that you need time for yourself and to focus on your reality and future. Normally in relationships it’s a give and take. However as we established leeches take and take. They may give at some points but not in the proportion with which they take and that can leave you feeling mentally exhausted and fed up. This can totally throw off your momentum and focus leaving less energy for yourself and your goals. So that friend we spoke about that’s constantly doing ‘crap’ but always wants your advice, at some point you will need that advice, words and space for yourself so take it. Don’t waste talents away on people who aren’t using it as they should; to people who are taking advantage of it. Be wary of the ‘friend’ who pours themselves out to you every day but never takes the chance to ask how you are doing.
Your group of friends, you’re circle of ‘bredrins’ as Kerwin Dubois says should operate as a chain link whereby energy (i.e. support, love, admiration, praise, stability) flows through each of you to the other. You are held in your bad times and vice versa. This flow should be natural, there are people you would meet in life where this exchange is easier than others but it is up to you to always be mindful of how much you give and how much people willingly take without asking. I do believe that it is possible to rid a leech of its bloodsucking power but like anything it will take time and determination by the leech themselves. You can help them by having an open honest conversation about their habits and ways they can try to change if they wish. You yourself however have the power to remove and keep certain people in your life. It’s a mutual exchange of honesty, and communication.Continue to use your time for things you feel passionate about, things that free you from the burdens of life. You deserve to feel alive in a world now where many are just existing and settling for mediocrity. My boss once made a reference to me after watching ‘The Walking Dead’, he said, ‘it’s so easy to become a zombie, it’s so easy to let them get you. Everyone walking around here is a zombie, they have settled and accepted that this is their fate, they have lost their excitement for life and no longer challenge it; they are in a trance. DO NOT BECOME A ZOMBIE!’. (God bless that man!)
- Your Forgiveness – ‘Practicing forgiveness does not mean accepting wrong doing’ – Dalai Lama. I was blessed with this natural ability to forgive. It’s as easy as breathing for me. For me, holding on to anything or anyone that upsets me is like trying to uproot a tree, its heavy and difficult. I would rather chop it down and allow something new to grow in its place. I have no idea when I developed this ability, or how but I assume it has come from many childhood experiences where I had no choice and being happy was way more fun than being angry. I did not realize that not everyone was like this until I became a teenager. I did not realize how anger, hurt and pain destroyed people’s spirit and character to the extent that they did. (Also to encounter the lightest spirits in the world who had been through the darkest tunnels opened my eyes) All of that being said to say that forgiveness is not easy for most. It takes time.
For most as I’ve come to understand it will always be a burden, and it is the final stage when you are ready to close a chapter. However you feel about forgiveness I can guarantee you that it WILL make you feel lighter, happier and more focused. Letting go of the past and focusing on the future. Believing that where you are going is so much more important than where you have been. Start clearing all the waste out of your life and your mind and making room for clarity and space for you to breathe and develop. Practice throwing the negativity out of your life and letting in the positive. Setting goals helps. It’s like going to the gym every day. If you want to lose 10lbs by the end of 3 months you have to be dedicated and work hard. It works the same with forgiveness and self-doubt. It should be constantly practiced and worked at everyday if you want to succeed at it. Do not to forget to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes as well. Forgive yourself for allowing people to take advantage of you, and for allowing the leeches to come into your life (most times you don’t know until it’s too late). Everyone makes mistakes the important thing is to wake up from the dream and actively work on fixing the problem.
These tips may not help or work for everyone but here is my advice based on personal experience. Self-love is real and powerful. When you believe in yourself and how powerful you are it can take you to heights that no one else can. You can do it all, it all starts with a seed that is further watered into plant. Removing the waste and cutting off the leeches is just one step that will help you attain a higher sense of self-worth and establish how valuable you are which will further guide you to the place you wish to be in life.
Good luck loves!
Written by Chardelle Lennard